Trini Time.

I’ve became one of those people who says I got nothing done today! And then I rattle off a list of things I didn’t do as opposed to what I did do like feed my child, wake up and laughed. Minor on the spectrum but none the less huge. For those of you who don't know me.....

I’m always late!

So it’s Saturday 6:40 AM my call time is 7AM I’m late. My destination is 30 minutes away and it’s the weekend so to most New Yorkers it means track repairs and train delays.

As the wise sage says.....How is it I’m late again when my alarm went off at 4:45 and I live 1 block away form the train station. Impossible! Nope with me it’s possible. Why? Well, I was so dead tired ( because I left work late) I went to sleep at 8:30 PM woke up at 2:45AM. Refreshed enthused and ready for the day until I registered the time. Ugh! Why? Zounds and egad curses rage silently to the heavens extending through predawn darkness( I am my most dramatic at this hour). So the choices were clear, ( of course you see them) either I get up and begin my day and fade at 1PM or I put myself back to sleep like a stubborn baby and wake up more tired at the correct time. Of course I chose the latter and fought with myself for over an hour and as it always happens as I was about to give up I fell asleep. So now at 5:45 I’m having a dream argument about why this blasted alarm is not turning off and realize I’m still asleep and it is not supposed to be off until I wake up and turn it off. Fiction becomes action and a mad scramble to make coffee shower, leave ensues.

Train is in the station it leaves in 15 minutes. Damn! Ok so I’ll be 15 minutes late.....again. I’ll live. Ok so now lets get my phone and play solitaire…no phone. I dig, I search, I do an archeological excavation short of a full on autopsy on my bag. No phone. I left it on the entry table of my non existent foyer. I could see it with my third eye blind. Shiete! I have to go back. I think of leaving it but I can’t because I have a minor who depends on me so I have to do the unwantable. Leave and go home. Expletive squared! The cuteness with which I sauntered to the train was no more. It was a mad dash across the block up 2 flights of stairs and back again thinking positive thoughts of my iron carriage awaiting. I was sweating buckets because menopause is now my constant friend and I made it with 2 seconds to spare. I made my time 15 minutes late and not 30 I was now grateful. The 15 minutes I had cursed before had become my savior with two minutes to spare.

Time: Funnily enough in the previous two days I’d begun a Deepak/Oprah meditational series on time. I thought I was an A student. I was going to work on my perception of time and my need to eradicate it or be Zen with it and guess what? I was hurled a life lesson. My appreciation was magnified. Trust. The here and now and move with it. My lateness at times is not a disregard for others, it’s usually because I’m trying to do one more thing and I’m learning is that one more thing really important? Is it more important than the other person? And if there are unavoidable delays is that really a cause worth struggling with? Because it might be a blessing and the only thing that eradicates our perception of time is death.

With that said. Kudos to my fellows patricians on the journey of life who are early and on time I applaud you celebrate you and admire you. I see your merit but please see mine. I am an overachiever on Trini time who works hard. I have an A personality with a laid back style. No rush.

This "how much I did thing" I’ve adapted in the last few years. Is a misdirected gold star I no longer want to be the measure of my worth. I have reaped it's rewards which has only been exhaustion and a never ending reassurance of my failures.

I still want to save the world but now its with respect of my timing. Life is not a competition of how much I did today. It’s an experience of how much I lived. Love. Laughed and made a difference today. So If I'm late please excuse me. It is not meant to be disrespectful or says I'm lacking in character. It means I'm human. No one will grade me at the end of my life with an A or an F on my punctuality or how much laundry I did today and how many emails I answered. Only with … why don’t you fill in the blanks.

Time. In time. Out of time. I need more time. Where did the time go or I need to make more time for myself. Time heals, time waits for no one. In time you’ll have all the answers. It’s only time and it’s only time.

So when I'm late for work, late leaving work, late with my phone call, late with dinner or late learning my life lessons. That one last last thing I was trying to do that couldn't wait, was a love thing. You'll never have a better friend..because my time with you is our time. A better worker because I'll give my all in my time. A better playmate because I'll set aside the time. A better person because with you there is no time.

Say what you want...Trini time is de best time.